Life goes on...

*post from March 10, 2011 [taken from my tumblr account]

It has been 9 months since my life took a slight curve on a dark new pathway that I still seem to be following. At first I was terrified because I could barely see in front of me. The path that lays ahead is always uncertain, always dark and unveils forks in the road at any given time. 9 months ago my fear of this path stirred up various emotions from depression to anger to anxiety and everything in between. Nowadays I have learned to embrace this crazy path. Although the current fork in the road is pretty serious business. In the next week or so I will be starting treatment to get my eggs frozen. A difficult decision because my insurance does not cover it. It’s kinda weird because a few years ago I actually thought about donating my eggs to make some extra income. But got scared because I heard the procedure hurt. I am a little nervous about getting it done, especially with complications due to my blood. But the hardest issue to deal with is motherhood. I will soon be infertile and unable to have children. A job that I have been patiently waiting to fulfill when the “time” was right. Being the oldest of 4 siblings and having always loved to be around children, I had always envisioned my future to be as a mother. I spent majority of my teenage years babysitting. When I first met Dimetrius I asked him if he wanted to have kids. I told him within the first week of dating that I wanted to have a BIG family with 4 kids and at least one of them being adopted. He probably thought I was crazy but two years later and he’s still around ha.
I guess the point of this post was to say that life goes on. I know I can’t have children now but I pray that when I’m finally cured I will be able to use my frozen eggs to start my own Olympian all star children team :) My path can sometimes be scary but its my awesome supportive family, boyfriend and friends that hold my hand through all the bumps and rough patches. Without them I don’t know what I would do.
Until we cyber again…